by Salienna Summer
In today’s Tribe Sisters, Salienna wants to know if love should come on strong or burn slow.
Okay, ladies and gents who may be reading, I need some help.
Slow build or a big bang from the beginning?
No, I am not talking about how the world was created, or about how fast your vegetables or flowers should grow. I’m not talking about how quickly or slowly we get angry at our kids. I’m talking about relationships, and especially romantic relationships. Should we feel it the moment we lay eyes on each other? Should we feel it within days, weeks or even months? Should it hit us over the head like a ton of bricks all at once or should a brick fall like maybe every few weeks?
It’s a question I ask myself every day—well, every day that I have someone supposedly special in my life (or just leaving my life). Is immediate explosion the way to go? Or a slow burn, maybe?
Some days I am so frantic to know what’s best. With every topic in my life that warrants deliberation, I ask everyone I come into contact with for advice. “Can I have fries with that? And, oh BTW, how did you fall in love?!” Yup, some days I ask everyone. (Good thing this column isn’t an advice column! Annie Lane, where does she get that glut of good ideas? Dear Annie, I’d like to have an advice column—but lack a clue. What should I do?
Falling into love is the fairy tale we had since we were little girls, right? There’s a crisis! (When isn’t there one?) We meet a prince (…still waiting) and he saves us from evil! Then we fall in love in a hot five minutes, swept away in a True Love’s Kiss. Isn’t this what we girls have been taught? So, naturally, I think we want this crazy love like yesterday. We want to meet our prince and know from the get-go.
Sometimes, I believe this happens. (Lost and confused I may be, but I’m still a believer, Sisters.)
And I thought for a long time this is the way it should happen… for everyone. Like it did for Bobby Brady.
Now, I’m no expert on this. That thing called divorce – I’ve been there. After divorce (which is a topic for another day, another article), I met a guy and it was the OMG I LOVE HIM HIM AND HE LOVES ME AND WE ARE CRAZY IN LOVE. But that torrid affair didn’t go much further than the belly-up marriage (another topic . . . another article.) I was 0 for 2 when it came to big bang love. Lots of emotions in both cases, but here’s where I am now.
After the divorce and that fling, I think smarter. I think I realize some things about love. For me, it’s not about an “I can’t live without you” sort of thing but more like an “I would love to have you in my life, but I know I will be okay if it doesn’t happen” sort of thing.
I met someone about nine months ago. Before our first date, there was that hope where I thought “I want to see him and I want the heavens to start singing! I want that immediate feeling!” The first date didn’t quite happen that way. He made me laugh. He was adorable. I had a great time. Did bricks hit me? Hmm… not really. I knew I wanted to see him again. Something made me want more.
We had another date and more laughs and more conversation. He was even more adorable. On the third, fourth and fifth date I still wasn’t sure. No bricks yet. But I totally dig him. Still love the conversation and the laughter. Did I mention he’s adorable? Anyway, I digress.
So from around the sixth time I saw him to the thirtieth time, I kept asking everyone: Slow build? Should I have gotten knocked out by those bricks yet? But with every date, every dinner, every night we spent “hanging out” (forthcoming column, Sisters!), I felt more and more into this guy. Everyone’s opinion was different. I got everything from “you should feel it from the beginning” to “it’s way better to have it come slowly.” I Googled it—while I was waiting for my fries. Lots of articles. Lots of opinions. It was a big debate apparently.
I think the conclusion I came to is that it’s different for everyone—like the men we fall for or just simply mosey over to.
Love, or “crazy in like,” comes in many different ways. All I can say about today – nine months in – is that he makes me smile, that I miss him when he’s not around, that I think about him when I hear a sweet song, that I want him to be happy in life, that I want good things for him, that I can’t wait to tell him when something good or bad or even boring happens, that I tell him about school and grades and he helps quiz me for tests and that I look forward to every text, smile, hug or kiss.
Did you just hear that bang?